It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
