he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
