then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
