Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My dick has a subreddit
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
