Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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