based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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