In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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