yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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