why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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