Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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