everyone is single if you try hard enough
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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