Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Pooping to opera.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
