I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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