A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
