i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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