i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Oh god it's open bar.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
