i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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