I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
