Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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