I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
