I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize