i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
