kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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