I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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