He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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