He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
