i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
