Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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