i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
