if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize