Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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