honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
