i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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