I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize