I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
