i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
