you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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