She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize
