I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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