I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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