You're my little dorito
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
