I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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