its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
