i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
