i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
