I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
