you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize