it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
