Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
