How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
