She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Randomize
