My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I need water and some morals
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
