totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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