I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
