YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
