people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
