I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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