come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ugly people sure do ruin things
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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