Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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