dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
