Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
