Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
