i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
