For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
