at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
