fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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