i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
