he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
