He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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