tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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