I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
