tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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