I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
