and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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