I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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