I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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