I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
