You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
