this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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