Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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