Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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