Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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