well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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