Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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