I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
