the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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