Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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