I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
