I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
